Please scroll down for Part II, I can smile
Which brings me nicely onto my main topic. I am about to lose all my top teeth! Eek! To be honest, I've had trouble with them for years, the once cute gap I had between my two front teeth has become a chasm and they have become so long I resemble a racehorse. I haven't worried too much, because if I keep my gob shut, I'm gorgeous, and as it turns out, keeping my gob shut has on occasion, been advantageous, who knew. Perhaps the bad teeth were the good Lord's way of shutting me up.
So what stopped me from seeking treatment before, 1. Fear and 2. I got thrown off the dentist's list for not going enough. Sadly I am the kind of person who pops painkillers and carries on until they need emergency surgery. This time I have done it sensibly, I have booked the appointments, I have attended the appointments. For the first appointment I sat in the waiting room reciting (in my head) the Charge of the Light Brigade. Cannons to the left of them, cannons to the right, into the valley of death rode the 600. Turned out not too bad! No blood, guts and screaming, just a bright pleasant room with a nice young man who couldn't have been kinder. 'And I bet you were given a puppy dog to cuddle' said SAS (Smart Arsed Son), he suspects his own dentist moonlights as a Deliveroo driver and does dentistry between orders using Google, he's very bitter.
I had already decided the teeth had to go. I haven't sunk my teeth into an apple in years. I have already adopted a diet of soft food, whilst I can salivate at the sight of a sirloin, the actual chomping of it is but a memory. I really don't know why I just wrote off certain foods instead of seeking help. I had just accepted my ongoing tooth problems, my restricted diet and the loss of my smile as just another symptom of old age, I had turned into a wuss! I think the good Lord intervened again via a new friend and excruciating pain. The good Lord gets a lot of mentions these days, I'm kind of hedging my bets on the afterlife front. Whilst Valhalla sounds like an exciting option, Limbo holds a lot of appeal. I picture a fun gathering standing around an outdoor heater, trying to shield from the rain and passing round spliffs and lighters. Oops that could be outside any pub where the smokers congregate. Either way, the boring bastards will be inside congratulating themselves and each other on what paragons of virtue they are.
But back to the teeth. I have been obsessed for the last week and a half, not just with my own teeth but with the teeth of everyone else so much so that Google actually told me I had seen everything. That's never happened before. I'm even looking up actors who are my age, are they wearing dentures? What were their teeth like 20 years ago, ahh not the same, even Janet Street-Porter has toned down her trademark goofiness. I have looked at hundreds, if not thousands, of before and afters, and in every case, the 'after' is significantly better - especially when you look up crack head teeth.
What I couldn't find were 'what I went through' articles on extraction, immediate dentures and the way in which you are engulfed in madness whilst facing the process. Even if I try to distract myself with an historic drama, I am immediately drawn to the teeth of every character - have to say remarkably good given the few options available from a medieval dentist. Another subject I will have to study during what I am going to call my 'teeth era'. I suspect dentistry wasn't really an option in the 16th century, a bad tooth could actually kill you. That fact alone was what got me off to the dentist finally. Though now I want to know if Henry VIII had bad teeth or indeed if the rich had worse teeth than the poor due to their sweet consumption? I like to think they did.
I am vain. There I said it. My biggest fear, I am not going to look like myself. 'That's a good thing' says SAS, who is endlessly creative in finding new ways to take the pee. A few years ago I had one of those lightbulb moments where I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror. 'Ooh' said I, 'I'm not as good looking as I thought I was'. 'Finally!' said he, exasperated that it took so long. But back to the teeth and the obsessions. Will my face drop? 'It's already dropped ya silly cow' says my inner Lily Savage. Tis true, most of my back teeth have been long gone and the cheek dropping has begun. I'm hoping the new choppers will provide some form of scaffolding. Will I lose my cute pout? It has become more prominent with the sticky out teeth, who needs lip fillers haha, but I presume it will follow the line of my new teeth. It is all this unknown that is driving me crackers. My biggest question, and I had to say it out loud to the dentist, was that they wouldn't get a replica of the horse teeth that were going. My nearest advisor (yes, SAS) said they would probably be made in a joke shop and I should ask for the wind up ones that chew for you.
Well now that I have got most of the mental anxiety out of the way, back to reality. I eschew the fear of pain and discomfort, I have had that for years. I also know the absolute relief felt after having a painful tooth removed. The future is bright, I will be able to smile again and eat salad! All the after pictures I saw (a lot) were 100% improvement on the befores. I watched videos of kind people brave enough to share their own denture experiences. One of the most heart felt things I heard was from a woman who said that among the good things that have happened to her was being able to smile and she said, the more she smiled, the more the world smiled back. I can't wait to try it.
For those who want the facts (I am terrible at those), week one, I received antibiotics to cure gum infection (worked within 2 days), week 2 teeth impressions, moulds made, week 3 (Tuesday coming yikes) extractions and immediate dentures. I wish I were brave enough to put up photos, something I will think about. I'd love to hear how others have got on with this, nothing beats personal experience where advice and reassurance is concerned, not to mention philosophy, there used to be a lot of that on here. Things like 'Aaah Grasshopper, if you worry about the future will the outcome be any different', random I know, but I am trying to find a chant for 'E' (extraction day), 'into the valley of death' is a bit grim. What I probably need to do is picture a host of golden daffodils and take some mind altering substances. I jest, though I may at some point before the final hour (if the mushrooms don't work) plead with my GP and or dentist for a sedative before they go in with the pliers.
Yikes I Can Smile
Well I have been so deliriously happy I haven't been able to put pen to paper or should that be digits to keyboard, matters not, because I now feel compelled to come back and finish the story and to hopefully reassure anyone who has been or is now in the same boat. Firstly all the fears and terrors that had driven me crazy during the preceding weeks were unnecessary, except that they had put me into a 'Shackleton' 'I will do this' mode on the day. The in head chant I went with was 'it'll be over in a minute', I know it will never find it it's way into a book of quotes but it worked! On top of which I was looking up at a screen full of baby pandas playing with their handlers, the perfect soothing distraction!
Yes the injections hurt and my chant came in handy. After that I never felt a thing. The new choppers were put in and I was good to go! I had a brief look whilst still in the dentist's chair but instead of being thrilled, it was more of a 'where's my pout?' Very vain I know, but for the rest of the day I had the look of one of those slobbery dogs who's chops hang down. Happily as the Novocaine wore off, I could smile, on the right hand side, the left was still hanging down and I feared I would have to live forevermore without a pout! A very dark future as you can imagine, how do people do it. As for the pain, swelling etc, it really wasn't so bad, I mostly just took panadol, sometimes tramadol, but by day 7 I didn't need anything.
When I could finally smile on day one (about 12 hours later), I was delighted. For the first time in years I could grin like a Cheshire cat And I don't think I've stopped since! It feels so amazing to smile without being self conscious and without having to put my hands in front of my mouth. Why didn't I do it years ago? I ask myself, I know why but that's for another day. Right now, the world has become a brighter place. Because I smile so much, people are smiling right back at me, it's delightful.
One of my biggest fears with a denture was that it would be too big for my mouth, I would gag, I wouldn't be able to bear keeping it in place. It actually turned out to be less that half the size I was expecting - see pic at top of page. Getting used to it was manageable, I was expecting discomfort, sore spots etc, etc, hardly any and it was very easily soothed, often just by rinsing it under a tap. I have never once felt I should take it out and give my gums a rest. I even leave it in if I have a daytime nap.
Talking I have to say has been hilarious, when you speak your tongue automatically touches the roof of your mouth, now my tongue touches a piece of plastic, so much of my speech is distorted. I also have a bit of a lisp and occasionally whistle, all of which just gives me the giggles, I am completely open about it and no-one seems to mind, mostly they laugh too.
Eating has been and still is (I'm now on day 10) a challenge. I have been eating lots of cereal with warm milk, soups, ice creams, yoghurts and puddings. That is the kind of food I love anyway. I have been able to chew, sort of, for the past couple of days. I have found that if you hold a chocolate hobnob in hot tea for 10-15 seconds, it will melt in your mouth with only a few crumbs left to chew. I have become very resourceful.
And I have found a new healthy respect for food. Each food group presents a challenge, but I am willing to go that extra 9 yards, to cut a milky way into 12 tiny pieces - it is so worth the effort. The need for solids becomes desperate, I even resorted to something I have looked down my nose on my entire life, I dipped my toast into my tea! And it was divine! I used Danish bread, the easiest to eat, and it was crisp and yet soft, wonderful.
Day 8 I discovered Cushion Grip. And like all the people I have watched on Youtube, I found it to be a gamechanger. I have Immediate Dentures, they are intended to be temporary because your gums will swell and change over the next few months. My eating problems are basically caused by the denture shifting when I attempt to chew. Not now haha!
Now I am living with my denture quite happily, I never take it out, from morning until night. I was determined I was going to make it work and that no-one, apart from a mortician would see me without my teeth. I am not looking on it as a chore, I just think of how wonderful if makes me feel being able to smile.
It is strange how we can focus all our fears on the wrong things, even when we are old enough to know better. I'm not really scared of the dentist, I actually know that situations such as fear of sitting in a dentist's chair can be overcome with mind over matter. You can conquer your fears, anyone can. I think I had lazily fallen into using fear as an excuse. There really wasn't anything to be afraid of. I think the only pain at the dentists these days comes from the injections and they are over within seconds. I am of course playing the hero at the moment, delighting in telling anyone who will listen how I had all my teeth out (actually only 5) without being knocked out. Sadly they are not as impressed as I think they should be!
But the best part of having it all done, apart from the smile, is freedom from the constant pain and the accompanying ill health. Also, I am so looking forward to enjoying all those foods I have had to avoid, like crusty bread and pizza and an apple. Happily cakes and puddings have always got through.
If you are struggling with your teeth and wondering if you can live without them, then trust me the answer is absolutely yes, and it can be life changing. It is madness to live with pain and embarrassment, I see that now, doh! And I cannot tell you how great it is to throw your head back and laugh (thank you Cushion Grip) or even pull faces without looking like a gargoyle. I jest, though I have to say I have rediscovered the childlike joy of pulling faces, something I used to share with my giggly mum. My next instalment may come from a secure unit, if they allow me a pen.